ARTSY FARTSY AVA

November 20, 2010

Sometimes I get depress whenever I see people achieve something really big in their life. Don't get me wrong. Of course I'm equally happy for them too. I'm just disappointed on how I can't get that or be as good as they are. Its like these questions on my head keep popping up; "When will my big break come?", "Am I not good enough?" and "Why is it never me?" But these are just moments in life where you feel lost and I think everyone goes through them and we have to be strong enough and not let these crazy thoughts run our lives, because someone once told me that, It's all about proper/right pacing and I also think that God has his own timing and plans for me. I should actually be thankful because he takes time to hear my prayers and thinks of what is best for me. If he just gave me everything I want in a whim, without even working for it, then what lesson would I learn from there, right? Or I might not be as thankful as I am when I know I worked for it. He gives me blessings when I least expect it and he makes me feel like a great person. He has his perfect time. When will that be? I'll never know. I just have to wait patiently, faithfully and make the most out of my everyday and concentrate on my blessings and not on other peoples gifts. After all, doesn't mean it's not happening to you now, that it would never happen someday. :) Sorry if my post seems like a downer, but I just want you to know that I am a happy person, and a grateful one at that, but I also have my days. I hope you guys don't hate me for this. :( But, yeah. God has plans for all of us and we just have to continue praying and believing in him. He knows when the right time is. :) After this entry, I'll try my very best to be happier and live life with more optimism. ALL FOR GOD!♥

"Focus on what gifts God has given u & ur gift gets bigger, focus on what God has given others & ur gifts seem smaller"-RevRunWisdom Twitter

"While you're trusting God for the BIG things in ur life, He's trusting u to be faithful in the SMALL things."-TheLoveStories Twitter

"Life finds its purpose and fulfillment in the expansion of happiness."-Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

"Whatever we put our attention on will grow stronger in our life." -Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

November 20, 2010

November 19, 2010

Never Grow Up- Taylor Swift

You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I took you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
You're mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all you're little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even you want to
Please, try to never grow up

Oh, whoa
Don't you ever grow up
Oh, whoa
Never grow up
Just never grow up

I cried while listening to this song. I'm happy he's beginning to be so talkative, seeing his little achievements and always wanting my attention. Telling me he loves me and how simple his wants are, his big smile whenever he sees me home and how loved he is here. But I'm scared when gets older. When he gets his first bruise, his first heartbreak, the time when he doesn't want to be kissed anymore, the time he might give me and his Dad a major headache, the time he might be a grumpy teenager, someone hurting him, not knowing where he is, and having to leave home and get married. It may seem far right now, but time flies and I'm just scared. I love him too much. He's the most sweetest and precious thing for me and how I wish he could stay this little forever. But I'll always be here for him no matter what and I would love him forever.

Athan, Mommy knows one day you'll grow up and experience everything I did or even more. We may argue someday and you may get hurt in the future by someone you love, or fail in certain situations. But do know that I will always be here. I will never leave your side. For the times we'll argue, love will always be stronger. For the times that you'll be hurt, you can always talk to me about it. I'll be here to listen and in your failures I won't ever judge you. I'll encourage you. For the other other things you might encounter and experience, don't worry. I'll be here each step of the way. I love you, son.

November 19, 2010

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