by - August 11, 2009

I'm feeling depressed again lately and I really don't know why. It's a cycle of mixed emotions I struggle with day in and day out. I want to understand more what I really want in life or even if I am happy with the things I do or deal with right now. It doesn't seem right. I need to know if there's something more for me and if people around me realize my worth. I'm tired of wasting my time...I want to stop pleasing people and do things that I know I'm good at, but sadly I don't think that would ever happen. People don't understand and get points easily. I actually feel less special by someone people, but that doesn't matter anymore. I realized that they only have a limited capacity to fulfill the needs I yearn for. I'm just feeling like a wreck and I have to let it out.

Unwell by Matchbox 20
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why


But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

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  1. Aaah. Have my lows too.

    To expect nothing in return and to continue being good for people and looking after them even without much gratitude given back are few of the mantras in life difficult to go by. Damn. Walking in Jesus' path is a struggle. It requires a lifetime of commitment and patience.

    But, have faith Ava. There are really times when you feel people around you fail to see your worth but it might just be you..or THE HORMONES. You know how we women are. *winks*


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