Not over you

by - September 30, 2013

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top and cap: giordano
shorts: edc
watch: dainty rainbows ph
bag: marc by marc jacobs
sneaker wedges: gifts ahoy

If you noticed since July or I think August started, my OTD posts have been filled with entries about family struggles and trying to get through something. I didn't really elaborate much on it, because I wanted it to maintain as private as it can be due to it being a family matter. But I guess now it's safe to say that the struggle is over but I'm still not over it.

My grandfather passed away last Tuesday due to stage 4 throat cancer. It has been a really difficult journey for him. He's a big man. Imagine around 200 pounds turning into 99 pounds in just months time. He can't even eat a decent meal and that was something that tore him up. He loves food so much that not being able to eat made him more depressed about his situation. It was painful to see him suffering. Reason why everyone around me says that at least now he's in a better place and he will no longer feel pain. But a part of me still can't believe he's gone.

He's been my father figure for 24 years. Since the day that I was born, he was there and I can't imagine now I have to go through my next birthdays and Christmas without him. I can no longer see his name calling me on my phone or his constant reminders about locking the door, bringing my keys or eating on time. I keep wishing I had one more day with him, so I could feel him hug me again. But there are just some things we can never bring back no matter how much we wish. Though, I hope he is happy now. Even if I can't fully let go, I hope he's watching over us from heaven and I hope he knows how much he is loved and missed.

I can never get over you, Angkong. No matter how hard I try I will forever have a missing piece in my heart and I can't wait for the day that gets filled up. I love you so much. I'm trying my very best to move on for you to be happy. Slowly I will, I promise. Please visit me in my dreams all the time. At least there, I can still see you and be with you. Thank you for being my grandfather and the great grandfather of my kids. Thank you for 24 years of loving me and Thank God for you. I won't trade that for anything.  I love you. No goodbyes...just see you later.


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  1. Your post made me tear up, Ms. Ava! My condolences. He fought a good fight, he finished the race. I'm sure your lolo is watching you from up there and he is so proud of you. God bless you and your family. Stay strong!

  2. Be strong, love. God lets us face the challenges we can surpass. Your grandfather is in a much better place now and I know he looks up on your family ever since. *HUG*


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