When I started this particular blog (I started several before settling here: Xanga, Vox, Wordpress, Tumblr), I did it for the purpose of sharing my pregnancy and motherhood stories about Athan because during that time, I was just often at home and since writing is a love of mine, it was a way for me to express my feelings and have something to look back on as memories when Athan gets bigger. It became an online journal and even if blogging has evolved so much beyond personal posts, I still can't help but return to this platform to share my family life like before. :)
Since I wanna go back to more personal posts, I want to talk about my pregnancy journey!
*Warning Nobela-levels* Haha
They say no two pregnancies are the same and every journey is different. True enough, being someone who experienced it more than once, I can whole heartedly say that is a fact. :) Currently, I have two boys who have been my world for the past 13 years and even if motherhood isn't an easy job, they certainly give life so much more meaning.
ATHAN
When we first found out I was pregnant with Athan, it was definitely a whirlwind of emotions. You, see, I was only in senior year high school when this happened and just 18 years old, the BF was 21 years old and in college. I'm what you typically call a teenage mom or young mom, so this alone made the journey a whole lot harder and complicated because not only do we still have our studies to deal with, we certainly knew how disappointed our parents would be with the situation since it is not ideal to have kids out of wedlock and at such a young age.
Telling our parents was the most difficult task of all. To make the story short, yes, they were very sad because it's not the right time and they of course, have big dreams for us and had the fear of how we would go about this. It's natural for parents to feel this way and I know I would be too if I were in their shoes. I was actually ready for the fact that my mom might not forgive me. But through it all, Gersh (my boyfriend back then) and I were very fortunate that our parents chose to understand and supported us all the way and because of them, we were able to push through with our studies and at the same time prepare to be new parents.
How did high school go for me? I thankfully graduated HS because my school found out at the very end of the school year, so that was my only saving grace. They allowed me to take my last exams and graduate. But unfortunately, no marching on stage for me which broke my heart and my mom's because it's one of the things in my life that she really worked hard for and looked forward to coming home to. It was a tough time as well, because I had to deal with the typical gossip and rumors from some batchmates, I had to give up a lot of the things in HS that I was looking forward to.. Something that was expected given my situation. But I got through it, thanks to the support of true friends, family and prayers. I always prayed my hardest during these times and even it sounds cliché, God was really my comfort in these confusing times.
High school
College
Come first year of college, I already had given birth to Athan and had to balance both being a mom and my studies at the same time. Though it wasn't easy to juggle both, I vowed to make it work because after everything that happened, I wanted to keep the promise to my Mom of finishing my studies.
With Athan, pregnancy or physical wise, he was such a breeze. It was like my tummy was just growing but I didn't have a hard time carrying him. I had no morning sickness whatsoever. Now, taking care of him the first few months was a different story haha. Team no sleep! I even had times wherein I would cry so much because he was still wide awake at 2AM and I had a 9AM class to get ready for. >_<
If there's one thing I can say with my early pregnancy is that, I don't regret having Athan. We love him with all our hearts. But like what we often see in reality shows or real life, having a baby is a huge commitment and is a life time dedication to your child. Your life is no longer yours. Being young, you can sometimes get tempted but always remember that you have your whole life ahead of you. Be a teen while you still can and enjoy the things that teenagers do, like having the freedom to finish your studies, go travel with friends, pursue your passions and when you wait, there's a better chance for you to discover yourself even more and grow as a person and find the right partner to spend the rest of your life with.♥
ASHER
My pregnancy with Asher came 4 years after Athan. I was still in college when I had him at 23 because I didn't take full load in my academics back then. My mom and I both agreed that it was best I take it slow and only have a few subjects/units at a time so I can do well, rather than I take so much but end up failing my subjects. Hence, it took me a while to finish college because I also had to take one term off to give birth and have my maternity leave.
With Asher, the way I found out I was pregnant is that I got really sick this one time. I was even at a work event and I kept throwing up. I actually thought I had the stomach flu haha! But turns out, I was already one month pregnant with our little bub. After that incident and finding out I was expecting, it was all smooth sailing. No morning sickness, I was even able to work as a stylist, do my work events, and continue my studies.
The only thing that got me emotional was the feeling or thought that I was having a baby again?? I cried at first because the feeling of guilt crept up on me. I felt that it was too soon and Athan needed me more..how can I deprive him of love and attention by having another baby? :( I'm changing our lives and that special only child bond I have with him will be gone. Turns out, after researching, second child guilt is normal and most moms feel it too. But eventually, we slowly introduced to Athan the idea of his baby brother coming soon and he really loved and got excited about it. So, when Asher was born, that feeling of guilt went away. I realized as a mom of two, my heart didn't get torn in half, but it actually grew even bigger.♥
Life did get busier having two kids, I won't lie. Especially that I still had college to deal with. But made it work again! Athan was already going to preschool by this time and since my school, DLS-CSB gave me the opportunity to pick my own class schedule, I focused on taking care of the boys during the day, work in the afternoon (if there was any), and I went to class at night. I never had a yaya, but thankfully with my family's help, I got to balance school, kids and work cos of them. :)
(The Hubby and I also got engaged the same year we had Asher: JULY 14, 2012 - CLICK HERE to read our proposal story)
Also, can I just give a big thanks to all my professors who were extremely understanding of the fact that I was a mom? My school allowed students who were pregnant to still attend school, BTW.
I was in college from 2008-2017 (yes, I know! Ang tagal! LOL =P Slow and steady!) and finally graduation day came! I consider this as one of my biggest accomplishments in life because I felt so happy that I was finally able to give my mom my last diploma - I fulfilled my promise of finishing my studies and I was able to do it while being a mom and pursuing my passions in blogging. :) For me, this is proof that if you really want something in life, may it take a while, you can achieve your dreams. Just work hard , believe in yourself and don't give up. :)
Just last December 24, we announced our biggest news - Baby number 3. Wow. Even typing that is still quite surreal for me. I told my husband that when I was younger, I knew I was gonna be a mom someday. It's something that my heart knew from the beginning because I super love kids. But never did I think I would have THREE. 😅 It's definitely a big surprise but like both my boys, this surprise is a blessing and unlike in the past when I had kids, this one is a lot different. First, I'm not in school anymore, I'm just often at home now and the boys are big already (12 years old & 8 years old), so the age gap is pretty big and they're not so dependent on me. I know they'll even help me with this little one. :)
But with this third pregnancy and also, i've decided for it to be my last, it wasn't a stroll in the park. This is my most difficult one to date. As early as one month I could already feel an intense change in my body. I was always sleepy and even if I had a long sleep, I would still feel like a truck hit me or like I had this strong hangover that I couldn't shake off. Then, there was my nausea. If I didn't eat, I would feel nauseous. If I ate, I'd still feel nauseous. I also stopped liking most of the food that I usually loved. Then, I also had a difficult time sleeping due to GERD or acid reflux and it would often attack at bedtime. Lastly, found out in our first ultrasound that I was dealing with a Subchorionic Hemorrhage (slight bleeding) at 11 weeks, so I had to take medication for a month. It will a rollercoaster ride for my first trimester. But now I'm in my second, things have been better. I feel normal again and I hope it continues to be that way until the very end. Please pray for us.💕 Hoping for a safe and healthy pregnancy.🙏
Our little dumpling at 20 weeks
Last February 19, at 20 weeks, we officially found out the gender of our baby. I've been so excited to know if it will be girl or a boy that in advance, I already had mini piñatas in the works! What the shop owner just had to wait for was the gender, so she can put the confetti color. Since this is our last baby, I wanted to make it special and even just in a small manner, celebrate it with a gender reveal. It's my first time to ever have one cos back when I had the boys, it wasn't really a trend. Can't wait to have it this March! ^_^
Right now, I only have 4 months of this waiting game. I'm just trying to take it easy, enjoy my pregnancy and the last few months of just being the 4 of us.
My boys and my life.♥
Years ago, if you would have told me that I would be happily married with 3 kids and a dog, I would have probably shrugged it off due to my traumatic experiences in relationships. Thankfully, that all changed. I'm really thankful for my family. If there's one thing I feel super blessed with, it's that God gave them to me.
I have two caring boys who gave my life direction and made it a whole lot more fun. Yes, I had them early. But it just means, I get to the chance to be with them much longer and grow old with them as well. :)
I also am very much grateful for my husband. Who, from the very beginning has made me feel that each pregnancy is a beautiful blessing and that every day that I wake up, I know I am very loved. I couldn't ask for a better father and partner in this life. I hope to be stuck with you till we're grey and old.♥
And that's my pregnancy + motherhood journey! Sorry this ended up suuppppper long! Haha! But if you managed to reach up to this point, thank you for reading my journey! :) It hasn't always been rainbows, but I love the life i've built and currently building with my family. They've shown me what the true meaning of happiness is and what my purpose is in life.
I hope that in this life, you also find your purpose and reason to be happy.💗
Been in the blogosphere for a decade and I love writing about fashion, beauty, motherhood, the arts and more. This is where you'll find things that make me happy. :)
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Email me at: avesbabii@yahoo.com or artsy_ava@yahoo.com
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All photos/materials ⓒ 2020 Ava Te-Zabat unless otherwise specified. Please do not use them without acknowledgement or permission. Thank you.
1 comments♥
Enjoyed reading this bessy, nakaka bilib talaga your life journey and how things turned out! :) Here for you always.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading my blog and for leaving lovely comments. Will also try my best to drop by your blogs!:) xo